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bullet BUZZ HAWKINS
CATCHY CHORUSES & DAFT BITS

Catchy Choruses

Featuring Bradshaws songs and sketches, "Sadie", "The Raji Singsong", "Country Billy Gerkin" and many more

Out Now from the CORNER SHOP


bullet BUZZ HAWKINS
"Man Behind The Bradshaws"
TOUR DATES

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Celebrating life with the Bradshaws - man and boy (and mother too) - and launching the new "Catchy Choruses & Daft Bits" album featuring much requested previously unreleased comedy songs (Sadie, Raji Singsong, Eeewellyaftolaf and more) plus loads of his irreverend stand-up

TOUR DATES

bullet 30 YEARS OF THE BRADSHAWS
BBC RADIO 4 DOCUMENTARY

John Henshaw, Peter Kay, Sally Lindsey, Eamonn O'Neal, Smug Roberts, Bernard Wrigley, CP Lees celebrate the amazing Bradshaws legacy

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LISTEN TO "30 YEARS OF THE BRADSHAWS"



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WHERE TO FIND THE STORIES ...

Bradshaws Booklet

Here is a listing of all the stories as they appear on the 25 available CDs - along with some short synopses to give you a clue as to what they're about
(it's only a clue, mind!)
Bradshaws CD snake

THE BRADSHAWS COLLECTION ON CD


Vol 1 name

LISTEN to a snippet HERE ...

HTCD1 "In Their Own Words"

1. Wot Woz It Like In The Holden Days?
* Alf is being witty about how old Audrey is and somehow talks himself into a trip to the zoo

2. The Monkey With The Funny Coloured Bum
* All is sweet and nice at the zoo until little Billy meets a baboon

3. God's Spy 'Ole
* Even a cheerful tuneful Audrey can't resist putting her two penn'orth in when Alf has a go at God

4.Mam's Thighs
* Alf has finally rolled his sleeves up for some DIY, Billy is still mitherin' of course, and Audrey can't take a joke

5.Two Wheelers, Influence & Wee
* Sunday for Alf starts with eggs and bacon but this one ends with sewage and sticklebacks

6. Ragbone & Dad's Brown Mac
* His old brown mac may only be fit for the bin but it's worth more than a bow and arrow to Alf!

7. Marbles
* Billy's skill with marbles leaves a lot to be desired so dad gives him some tips. It turns out that Billy is a bit of a flirt as well.

8. Fixing The Window
* Replacing broken windows, putty throwing and make-up artistry - is there no end to Alf's skills?

9. Bonfire Night
* There's no rest for the wicked tonight as Billy pesters dad into making him a Guy Fawkes - just to throw on the fire!

10. Fog & Dad's Bike Lamp
* It's a real pea-souper and Billy 'borrows' dad's bike lamp to explore, only to have a row with a lamp post

11. Can I 'Ave A budgie?
* In his quest for a budgie Billy doesn't understand the word 'no'. He finally settles for a zedgie ... a 'zedgie'??!!

12. Dad's Coat & The Scruffy Dog
* "I can't have a budgie and I can't find a zedgie ... " thinks Billy, "so I'll catch a pigeon!" But what with?

CD 2 name

LISTEN to a snippet HERE ...

HTCD2 "In Their Own Voice"

1. The Tooth Fairy
* His loose tooth could earn him some money but, even so, Billy won't let dad pull it out. Bollards Audrey!

2. Split The Kipper
* Michael Morris and the games boys play and final proof for Audrey of why males are stupid - it's all here

3. Taking The Plaster Off
* You'd think they would design plasters that stay sticky even when they're dipped in school dinners!

4. Hiccups
* Even the hiccups can't shut Billy up but even so Alf has a lot of fun trying to cure them for him

5. Good Mood Or Bad Mood?
* Billy and his mam work very hard to change a happy Alf into a grumpy one. And they succeed!

6. The Runaway
* When you're only nearly eight and you're caught trying to smoke rolled up paper, running away seems a good option!

7. Wot's Yer Belly Button For?
* Here's a lesson in the many uses of a belly button - but be careful you don't end up in the old tin bath

8. The Old Tin Bath
* Audrey drags it in from the backyard and fills it with a small pan, Billy takes the plunge, and Alf takes the Michael!

9. Chapped Legs
* Rolled down wellies may well look cool, but red rings round your legs feel hot!

10. Will You Fix Mi Roller Skate?
* Alf and granddad have gone to the pub for a livener and need a lie down when they get home

11. Dad's Black Eye
* Oh dear! Alf is used to waking up with a hangover but this time he's got a shiner too! What happened?

12. The Snowball
* It's playtime for the boys as the snow piles up in the Bradshaws backyard. And Alf forgets to duck

CD 3 name

LISTEN to a snippet HERE ...

HTCD3 "In Their Own Backyard""

1. Empty Bottles
* Billy wants a bubbly gum but he's been sent for corned dog, woodbines, swan vesta - and he'll never bemember all that!

2. Bent Cigs & Corndog
* Alf is waiting for Billy to fetch his fags but everything is an adventure - even going to the corner shop

3. Politics & Beans
* The boys are talking about politics and other intellectual matters, and Audrey brings them back to basics

4. The Clubman Cometh
* Now and then into everybody's life comes an unwelcome caller and then it's time to hide behind the sofa!

5. Tea-Time
* Audrey's haute cuisine consists of wrong-shaped peas and cardboard pastry - but at least the rice puddings hot!

6. Whit Walks
* Whit Week is the time for processions, brass bands, pipe bands, new clothes and money from your auntie

7. Love Letters
* Ooh, romance is in the air in the home of the Bradshaws -and tears too, as dad teases Billy over his letter writing

8. Pickles
* Memories of S.W.A.L.K. (and a few you might not know) stir the floozie in Audrey, and Alf's defence is eating pickles

9. Mam's Headache & Rickers
* Poor Audrey is suffering so Billy's rhythm and Alf's usual compassion do nothing to help

10. Heaster Heggs
* Billy and his mam dabble in a little seasonal craftwork and dad explains why eggs are egg-shaped

11. Fun At The Fair
* Poor Alf is dragged, moaning, to the travelling fair and bravely takes a turn on the big wheel - a turn for the worse!

12. Two Balls
* There are games for boys, and games for girls, and games for boys and girls together. Alf gets ideas

CD 4 name

LISTEN to a snippet HERE ...

HTCD4 "In Their Own Front Parlour"

1. Vimto Lollies
* After an hour on the lav, a refreshing ice-cream is just what is needed. A lolly with a bit missing doesn't do it for Alf

2. As Alf As A Newt
* After a good gargle Alf is up for a singsong and Billy would love to hear him. Audrey has other ideas

3. Sleeping Out
* Pyjamas in his dufflebag and wearing clean underpants (with a big fly'ole!) little Billy is off to Michael's

4. Lying In
* It's lovely and snug in mam and dad's big bed until Alf does a crafty one!

5. A Mouse's Tale
* With Billy on another planet and his mam standing on a chair, Alf sets out to block up the mouse's hole!

6. Family Album
* School photos are not cheap but Billy is worth spending on just this once. So let's have a look at the other photos!

7. Tupenny All-Off
* Slack underpants and a haircut by Audrey-the-demon-barber all add up to fun and games for little Billy

8. Kites & Woodpeckers
* Billy trades a bit of naughty gossip for the price of a kite and Audrey's all of a fluddle. Enter Alf the kitemaker!

9. Dirty Washing
* Pets, rainhats and parachutes, Betty Morris and the coalman, more than enough to keep Audrey occupied

10. Home & Aways
* Poor Alf just wants to listen to the wireless for the football results. In the Bradshaws house? No chance!

11. Art For Art Sake
* Little Billy Rembrandt is keeping his paintbrush wet by dipping it in dad's false teeth jamjar - happy days!

12. Press-ups & An' All That
* Despite (or is it because of?) a few hard-earned pins Alf can still do his press-ups - with sound effects!

CD 5 name

LISTEN to a snippet HERE ...

HTCD5 "In Their Own Time"

1. Lumber In Slumber
* Sometimes a man can't do right for doing wrong - and being asleep at the time is no excuse either!

2. Liver & Honions
* A quiet chat around the dinner table is a civilised thing to do. Quiet?.. chat?.. civilised?.. maybe next time

3. Audrey Tries Her Luck
* Audrey is collecting Acdo box tops to try and win a trip to 'Torremonalisa' for 'Penis Colorados' by the pool

4. Postman's Knock
* High drama in the home of the Bradshaws as Audrey gets a winning letter!

5. Fluff In The Loft
* Ooh er! You never know what you might find when you go rooting about in the attic!

6. The Waiting Game
* When Alf hogs the outside lav, Billy has a pee in the grid. Never mind Audrey, boys will be boys!

7. Morecambe Deadline
* When trains had no corridors there was no escape from strangers - so this particular dead lady couldn't escape

8. Keeping Your Head Down
* The Bradshaws made friends on their holiday - so why do they hide when 'friends' knock at their door?

9. Down The Entry
* When their new 'friends' won't give up and go it's time to escape, but Ada Woods almost blows their cover!

10. Settee Secrets
* There are some strange things to be found down the back of a settee

11. This Sporting Life
* It's sports day at Billy's school and Alf has plenty to say about the competitors and teachers too

12. Parlour Games
* Billy gets a visit from Winifred Dutton and, after a few minutes in the parlour, gets a taste for girls games

CD 6 name

LISTEN to a snippet HERE ...

HTCD6 "In Their Own Door 'Ole"

1. Humpty Dumpty
* There are some things we have to do as a child to gain wisdom, and falling off a wall on your head is one of them

2. Penny Blacks & Penny Arrow Bars
* When a child says 'touch black no swops back' it's as good as a contract - unless Alf is your dad!

3. Don't Say Circus
* Billy is warned not to annoy his dad by mentioning the 'you know what', but Alf fancies the girl in the leotard

4. Piling On The Agony
* In order of importance, being chased by a dog or not being able to build a blanket tent, relief from piles is top

5. When Playing Out Was In
* Hopscotch, heading a ball on the wall until you go daft, and tucking your frock in your knickers - proper fun!

6. Little Lodgers
* Here's an occasion we'll never forget - brace yourself for the nit comb treatment!

7. The Wood In The Hole
* Billy and Audrey are going in and out of the house like a fiddlers elbow but no-one ever shuts the door

8. A Touchy Subject
* Audrey finds a rude drawing in Billy's bedroom and decides it's time Alf had quiet word with him

9. A Woman's Lot
* Mam seems a bit grumpy and Billy thinks it's because he nicked all the raisins, but Alf knows better

10. If
* Seeing as she can't afford to buy a new frock, she's off to Betty Morris's to sew one up - unfortunately for Alf, without Billy

11. A Push Too Far
* New neighbours in the street provide Billy with a new friend - and he's not as soft as Alf thinks!

12. No Match For Alf
* It's the school footie match and the kids parents have turned out to cheer them on. Of course Alf is the loudest

CD 7 name

LISTEN to a snippet HERE ...

HTCD7 "In Their Own Kitchenette"

1. The Mind Boggles
* Billy has homework to do and Audrey very kindly offers to help - with some interesting answers

2. School Baths
* You'd think Billy would be looking forward to going swimming - but would you, in knitted trunks?

3. Tread Carefully
* When there's a smell of muck around Billy's feet, mam and dad think it's on the outside of his wellies - oh no it isn't!

4. Strictly Speaking
* Alf fixes the ewbank, gives Billy a lecture on discipline, and gives Ada Woods both barrrels

5. Sunday Names
* Hanty Pamela has managed to wind Alf up again, and it sparks a debate on nicknames - so what is Audrey short for?

6. We Know What You're Doing
* Billy and Michael come home unexpectedly and mam looks flushed. Too young to notice?

7. Female Logic
* The outside lav has frozen because Audrey removed the lagging from the pipes, for a perfectly good reason. Eh?

8. Give Them A Wave
* The lad needs a good scrub but it's too late to drag the tin bath in. It's a stand-up wash in the sink for you Billy!

9. No Laughing Matter
* Alf persuades Hanty Pamela to leave by firing off a couple of good reasons - and Billy gets a fit of the giggles

10. Collecting
* Most children collect things for a hobby and, as most parents were children once, it isn't surprising that they did - or is it?

11. Eccles Cakes
* Poor Alf! He can't even have an eccles cake without somebody taking a bite out of it

12. Tongue Twisters
* Billy's having trouble getting his tongue round some words, and Alf manages it without his teeth

CD 8 name

LISTEN to a snippet HERE ...

HTCD8 "In Their Own Dolly Tub"

1. Early Birds
* The darkest hour is just before dawn. Especially when people nick your toast and tea before you go to work!

2. Horse Sense
* Waste not, want not. That's the motto as Alf wanders through the house with a prezzie from the ragbone man's horse

3. Being A Darer
* Audrey gets no thanks from granddad after taking his dinner round, and then gets touchy as Alf winds her up

4. All Mod Cons
* Billy gets a dinky car from mam and there's a prezzie for Alf too - a special ashtray

5. Wet Keks & Aniseed Balls
* Fun and games with massive knickers and huge underpants as the clothes rack falls on Audrey's head

6. Taters
* Alf may well struggle to carry home a big bag of spuds, but he's still in trouble for treading on Billy's dinky car

7. A Round Meal
* Billy gets a pat on the back from dad as he depth charges his submarine in the sink - and swallows a marble!

8. Just Passing Through
* It's going to take a few doses of castor oil to shift the marble and Alf won't be watching out for it

9. Toy Fighting
* Billy's being quiet for a change and it makes Alf nervous. He picks at him until it ends up in a fight

10. After The Fire
* It's the morning after bonfire night and Billy and his pals have been poking through the ashes for treasure

11. Wrap Up
* It's a thrill for Billy to be going to the match with his dad, and Audrey wants to make sure he's dressed up warm

12. The Last Straw
* Well, it had to happen. Alf has pushed Audrey too far and she's leaving, taking Billy with her. Well nearly!

CD 9 name

LISTEN to a snippet HERE ...

HTCD9 "In Their Own Thingy"

1. Playing Chicken
* We've all played knocking on doors and running away - 'running away' being the key words!

2. Rudiments
* Billy's piano playing and singing is like a fork on a plate for Alf - and the fun starts when Audrey joins in

3. Auntie Pamela's Jumper
* Prezzie come in all sizes but when Audrey's sister knits them, they come in all shapes too

4. A Helping Hand
* Alf finally gets round to painting the woodwork - and then Audrey and Billy decide to help

5. The Posh Cat
* Alf's armchair snoring tempts Billy down from bed to tell mam about a kitten going for free.

6. Wotsisname?
* Who would believe it? Billy finally gets a pet! - But what shall we call it?

7. Open Wide
* Oh dear! Someone leaves the door open and the kitten is nowhere to be found

8. Puddled
* It's pouring down outside and Billy's pal Michael comes in to dry off. But he's a soft target for Alf

9. A Baisinful
* Tonight it's a treat as Audrey is sent off to the chipshop in the rain while Alf butters his bread - and margarines theirs

10. Taking The Ball In
* Alf whacks Billy's ball and, being on elastic, it comes straight back and whacks him in the nethers

11. Beetle Drive
* Old terraced houses have more than humans living in them. Billy and dad prepare to surprise a few creepy crawlies

12. Over The Top
* Little boys have great fun weeing up instead of down and Billy and his pals get it right over the school yard wall!

CD 10 name

LISTEN to a snippet HERE ...

HTCD10 "In Their Own Firelight"

1. Wash Carts & Hand Carts
* Audrey's wash-cart has a wobbly wheel, and Billy gets a grilling from his dad about stolen fags!

2. God Bothering
* The Salvation Army Band are on the march and the family are out to enjoy them - well, two out of three

3. Pitch Black
* The sun melts the tar and Billy pops pitch bubbles with a lolly stick - and ends up with a sticky black willy

4. Folies Backyard
* It's showtime in the backyard with mam and dad watching the little thespians - Don't be so vulgar!

5. Holiday Fun
* When the penny arcade gets boring you can always stay in the caravan and play cards - Heads Alf wins, tails you lose!

6. No Flies On Alf
* All good things have to end and it's home they go - but what's all that buzzing in the house?

7. Itchy Bum
* Audrey's off to Aunty Pamela's and Alf's looking forward to minding Wittering Willy? - I don't think so!

8. Sweet Dreams
* Even after mam sings a lullaby, Billy can't get to sleep. Enter dad to tell him a story

9. Pull Up A Pew
* The Bradshaws are in church to watch Uncle Wally One-ball get married again - I hope God's got a sense of humour!

10. Monopoly Night
* Alf has a flair for big business as Audrey asks for 'tick', and Billy has a wobbler - but revenge is sweet!

11. Guessing Games
* Alf has actually bought Audrey a birthday present and Billy is sworn to secrecy - yeah, sure!

12. Different Worlds
* A visit to the outside lav can be an adventure - especially when the pipes are frozen

CD 11 name

LISTEN to a snippet HERE ...

HTCD11 "In Their Own Opinion"

1. Zippa Dee Doodah
* When your mam catches you weeing in the grid, you pull your zip up quick - but put your willy away first!

2. A Chip Off The Old Block
* Forecasting the weather is not one of Alf's strong point, as father and son stroll back from the shop

3. Down To The Wood
* Alf has a new toy to play with. Problem is, they're hair clippers - and poor Billy gets to be the guinea pig

4. Teef & Toytoises
* "Can I have a toytoise?" - a reasonable question. "N. bloody O." - a reasonable answer

5. Twinkletoes & The Water Buffalo
* Audrey's waitress service gets an order for 'bung on toast', and Alf says no to a dance

6. To Sleep Or Not To Sleep
*A late night cheese feast sends Billy sleepwalking and Audrey sets the alarm - so they can have a lie-in?

7. Shove Ha'penny
* Granddad gives Billy an old board game and tells him all about the local fleapit

8. Outdoor Pursuits
* A daytrip to Blackpool to take in the sights - a 'hairy mary', peeing off the pier, and a couple swapping spit

9. Man's All Heart
* A tipsy Alf backs a winner and treats the family - to a hair-do(?) and something off the ha'penny(?) tray

10. Who's For Pudding?
* After three mojos, some kali and a spanish, Billy can't eat his tea - but he's still hungry for pudding

11. Nuts & Razors
* When a bald coconut and a blunt razor turn up together, there's only one suspect!

12. A Little Bit Of Privateness
* Billy is on guard duty while mam gets in the tin-bath, but dad just won't stay out

CD 12 name

LISTEN to a snippet HERE ...

HTCD12 "In Their Own String Vest"

1. Jumble Sale
* Billy Bradshaw and best pal Michael Morris are selling some of their old toys but when Alf tools are sold, expect trouble!

2. Blowing Your Own Trumpet
* Music practice develops into a bugle-blowing contest and dad nearly has a cullinary trombonist

3. Embrocation Wrong Location
* The lad's bike-weary legs get some T.L.C. from Alf but there are some places to keep clear of Fiery Jack!

4. Just For Luck
* Wittering Willy is really on form and Audrey gets a lesson from Alf on how to get rid of mithering gipsies

5. Bye Bye Tater Pie
* After fixing Billy's bike Alf is hungry. But Audrey has plans for a communal diet that doesn't include pastry!

6. Gobstopping
* Sherbert dip is a favourite with little Billy but a gobstopper gets Alf's vote - especially cos it's going in Billy's gob!

7. No More No Thanks
* The gobstopper has worked and talking is a struggle, but it doesn't stop Billy's ears from wagging

8. One On One Off
* Audrey is off to town, shopping for camping stuff for the lads. Who's nicked her other stocking, I wonder?

9. Dangling Spiders Mysterious Holes
* Toy soldiers dangled on a string from an upstairs window can sometimes look like spiders

10. A Good Game
* Let's hear about games invented by girls just for snogging practice, and Alf's cure for chapped lips

11. Pumptures, Pain & Pot Dogs
* Billy's punctured tyre is fixed and off he zooms - mind you don't hurt yourself Billy!

12. More Sweet Dreams
* School camp, packed cases, jam butties, tin mugs, lassitude and longlitude - the stuff of dreams

CD 13 name

LISTEN to a snippet HERE ...

HTCD13 "In Their Own Lucky Bag"

1. Motor Biking
* Audrey has her toe nails, Alf has his motor-biking memories, and Billy has something to look forward to

2. Is It Catching?
* When Billy gets a 'nedache' mam thinks it's mumps and dad wishes it was lock-jaw

3. Upstairs Downstairs
* The lad's in bed and nurse Audrey is up and down like a merry-go-round(?). Alf goes up to tell him a story

4. Wind & Witches
* Audrey tells us about the woman with one leg, Billy says he's got a spell on him, and Alf says 'Bloody Halloween!'

5. Birthday Boy
* There's a surprise welcome, a cake with too many candles, a sugar mouse, and an ungrateful dad

6. Getting Up Yer Nose
* Pooh! Alf dries his boots in the oven and Audrey doesn't get the joke

7. A Latch Lifter
* Uncle Wally One-ball gives Alf a lesson on how to drink for free

8. Cardboard Feet & Providence
* Swimming baths, snake belts, shoes with holes in, the clubman and clothes on tick

9. Baths & Aftermaths
* The lads are squeaky clean after a trip to the baths but Alf finds himself juggling soot!

10. Revenge Is Sweet
* It's dark at night when someone nicks your bike lamp, but cabbage and ribs brighten things up for Alf

11. Sissy Girls
* Let's hear it for slack underpants, Farmer Farmer, egg and chips, willies, and poking girls

12. Balaclavas & Bommy Wood
* Audrey knits a daft hat while Alf reminisces, and Billy can't wait for treacle toffee

CD 14 name

LISTEN to a snippet HERE ...

HTCD14 "In Their Own Footsteps"

1. Stranded Alf
* Oh dear! Dad isn't amused when Billy sets fire to the lavatory paper - But Audrey is!

2. Fleabag
* On every outside lav roof there sits a cat - and this moggy is no friend of Alf's

3. Affable Alf & Draughts
* Audrey is amazed but not amused when Alf plays with Billy and creates draughts of his own

4. Ooh Men!
* Condensed milk butties for Billy as he plays with his fort, and dad chucks an injun on the fire!

5. Saturday Matinee
* Frozen Jubblies, pea shooters, projectionists with allopoecia, and washing dustbins. Variety is the spice of life

6. Chicken's Feet & Alf's Hands
* Billy makes room for new toys as Christmas approaches and chases his mam with a chicken's foot

7. Penny Wise
* Alf's New Year resolution is to give up 'being so generous' and he teaches Hit an' Dob and how to play Pitch and Toss

8. Up The Ladder
* Dad has to go up a ladder to unblock the gutter and to flash his tea and sugar through a split in his trousers

9. Life Is A Circus
* It's a family outing to see lion tamers, dogs that jump through hoops, and to feast on creamy bonbons

10. Shilling In The Meter
* Audrey loses her meter money on a horse - courtesy of Alf, who walks into Billy's booby trap

11. First Up Best Dressed
* Out comes the family album with photos of strange relatives and girls in football boots

12. On The Rack
* Audrey's nice new perm is wasted on Alf as water drips down his neck - cos Billy has nicked the washing line

CD 15 name

LISTEN to a snippet HERE ...

HTCD15 "in Their Own Pigeon 'Ole"

1. Cock O' The Class
* It's off to the corner shop for suet, dolly blues and flypaper, but Billy doesn't want to meet the school bully

2. Other Dads
* Alf isn't top of the best dads list, something has chewed the sugar bag, and it's that rain what wets you

3. Bingo Night
* Audrey shares her winnings - but not with Alf. And we think that bloody mouse night be back again!

4. Return Of The Mouse
* It's back!.. so Audrey and Billy stand on chairs while Alf tempts it with chocolate button and tests the trap!

5. Whips & Tops & Wobblers
* Dad gets no peace on the outside lav, not even when Little Orphan Annie runs away

6. Gentle Persuasion
* Tea is postponed as Alf tempts the runaway home and net-curtain Nelly gets a broadside

7. How Teachers Teach & Teapots Stand
* Schools break up and Alf gets on his high horse about education - or the lack of it

8. Tricks Of The Trade
* Aw! Father and son do some woodwork together - well sort of - and Audrey's table is re-designed

9. Cutting Corners
* Alf's promise of some nifty French polishing sends Audrey to the shop for some onions

10. Twenty Questions
* There is no rest for the wicked as Audrey keeps waking Alf up to see if he's still alive, and Billy witters on and on (and on)

11. Eye To Eye
* A trick telescope doesn't tempt Alf and so Audrey demonstrates it for him

12. Rubadub Alf
* Picture the scene: a hot tin bath in front of a blazing fire containing Alf with his socks on

13. Easy Peasy Song
* This little song was previously released on 7" single and it got to 109 in the charts! - play it for the kids

CD 16 name

LISTEN to a snippet HERE ...

HTCD16 "In Their Own Ebb & Flow"

1. Tea & Sympathy
* Billy is swopping bubbly gum, while Alf needs some Fennings Fever Cure and some Woodbines for a good cough

2. Legless Tommy
* What with Uncle Wally One-ball and Tommy No-legs, Audrey has some interesting relatives!

3. Pawnshop Saga
* Audrey redeems a pawn ticket, Billy gets broken biscuits, and Alf has a bone in his leg!

4. Checkmate
* While the men play chess (well that's the plan) Audrey watches her washing blow off the line

5. No Rest For The Wicked
* A kip on the sofa would be nice but Wittering Willy and Moaning Minnie just won't shut up

6. Bob-A-Job
* Blacking shoes and drinking grannie's medicine were good enough for Alf but Billy uses his own initiative

7. Show Up Show Down
* The old brown mac gets an airing when Alf pulls it out of the dustbin

8. Battle Royal
* Audrey goes on strike for better conditions and applies a little blackmail

9. On Night Turn
* When dad's on nights the world has to creep about all day so as not to wake him. Fat chance!

10. Whistling Another Tune
* Today's concert includes Good King Wenceslas, Hitler has only got one, played on Michael's snotty recorder

11. Stirring Things Up
* Poor mam is soaked so it's dad who prepares the little fellah for a stand-up wash in the sink

12. Crossbar Crisis
* Billy has cut his knee and has bits of road in it, so Alf shows him how to ride his bike - until the chain comes off!

CD 17 name

LISTEN to a snippet HERE ...

HTCD17 "in Their Own Class"

1. Tin Hats & Hard Times
* How to make a lolly stick glider, and how not to light a fire

2. Crash Diet
* Billy and Michael break a chair but as long as no-one sits on it, it'll be ok. Then, enter Ada Woods

3. Benevolent Alf
* Dad's unusual burst of generosity turns out to be a figment of his imagination

4. Departure Day
* The family are off on holiday by bus and train, leaving the house clean and tidy - just in case of burglars

5. On The Prom
* Iced lollies, water wings, a bucket and spade, and a goldfish in a bag with a cigarette hole in it

6. Home At Last
* Mam's got the suitcase, Billy's got the goldfish, and Alf's got to climb in through the bedroom window

7. Cabbage & Ribs & Oil Cloths
* Audrey cooks food to put a road through you, Alf looks forward to tomorrow, and Billy's got a whizbang!

8. Too Many Cooks
* Instead of letting him get on with it, Audrey and Billy lend Alf a hand to strip the wallpaper

9. Keep On Running
* Threading newspaper squares on string is a must after Billy eats some special chocolate

10. Zorro
* With a mask and a sword and a tea towel for a cloak, Billy leaves the mark of Zorro!

11. Our Gang
* Why Billy has a tattoo, why a 'zed' is not a 'y', and why dogs get stuck together

12. Firewood Tuppence A Bundle
* Dad helps Billy tosave up - well it's hard to spend an I.O.U.

CD 18 name

LISTEN to a snippet HERE ...

HTCD18 "In Their Own Woolley Jumper"

1. Hamerica
* It's cowboys and injuns, chewing gum and skyscratchers, soldiers and nylon stockings, and more besides

2. Waterworks
* Water pistols at the ready, aim, fire! Billy ambushes his dad in the bog and Alf plans his revenge

3. Hammered Nails
* Alf finally gets round to fixing the stair carpet, and the cupboard shelf, and nailing Audrey's head back on!

4. The Wrigleys
* What starts off with the price of a 'hice-cream' finishes up with a chat about the birds and the bees

5. Keep A Secret
* It's hard not to lick the bowl after mixing a cake, and it's harder to keep the cake a secret when it's your dads birthday

6. Broken Hearts & Absent Friends
* Valentine's day has arrived without a card for Billy - or Audrey (as usual)

7. If The Cap Fits
* All Billy wants to do is read his Beano comic but trouble looms when mam gets the wrong end of the stick

8. Bellyaches & Long Grass
* Sympathy for Billy isn't forthcoming from Alf - or Audrey, when she finds out he's been playing with fire!

9. Wind-ups & Cock-ups
* Alf gives the new neighbour a helping hand with her big chest and gets himself in trouble with Audrey

10. Two Shoes Too Big
* Poor Billy's new shoes are killing him but he has to break them in for the weekend procession. It's female logic!

11. Back To School
* The old treadle machine is clacking away as Audrey makes some new shirt cuffs out of Alf's old fart flap!

12. Blue Alf & Cardinal Red
* Billy is in the wars with a scraped knee but that doesn't stop a rollicking from Audrey for swearing

CD 19 name

LISTEN to a snippet HERE ...

HTCD19 "In Their Own Cobbled Street"

1. Rice & Dobbers
* Something as small as a grain of rice shouldn't hurt - but it does when it comes out of the end of a pea-shooter

2. Porky Pies & Highland Flings
* Alf's braces make a great catapult. That's alright as long as Alf doesn't find out!

3. Goofy Giblin
* Pomegranates, old flames, and standing on your head - there's a lot to talk about

4. Fathers Day & Crafty Alf
* It takes a devious mind to get what you want by convincing somebody that it was their idea

5. Grinders, Moodies & Ostriches
* The scissors have been sharpened by a man who was held ostrich in the war. Discuss

6. Jujus & Getting The Hump
* When it comes to sweets, we all have a favourite colour, but we don't always get the one we want!

7. Confetti Kerfuffle
* Audrey had a lovely time at a wedding, so crying is reasonable. Billy preferred the fight that broke out, though

8. In At The Deep End
* Billy waits impatiently for dad to take him and his pals to the baths - but a watched clock never boils, does it?

9. Southport Safari
* If you go to see the sea at Southport, be prepared for a long, long walk

10. Sunny Side Of The Street
* When summer sun shines on a terraced street, it's time to put your cozzie on and sit in a bowl of water

11. Minding Their Business
* For some dads, the answer is 'no' before they hear the question. This dad is no exception

12. The Party's Over
* Pass The Parcel, Find The Thimble, Blindman's Bluff, Pin the Tail On Audrey - whose idea is that, I wonder?

CD 20 name

LISTEN to a snippett HERE ...

HTCD20 "In Their Own Flat Cap"

1. Artistic Temperature
* We get a rare glimpse of Alf's creative talent when he draws a picture, but Audrey just can't see it

2. Sugar & Spice
* Sugar butties can be messy and Billy's sent out to play with his spud gun - but no more chips with holes in!

3. Only Joking
* School is closed for voting and Billy is at home playing jokes on his dad

4. Canteen Santa
* Billy goes to a childrens' party at dad's works, and meets some shady characters - including four-eyed Joyce

5. Apple Pie & Custard Tins
* There may well be lumps in Audrey's custard but Billy finds the powder tins useful - as stilts

6. The Visitor Fleas
* Billy's Hanty Pamela paid a visit and Alf won't admit that she might have won that round

7. When You Die & Ghosts
* Hibernating tortoises look dead, and Hanty Pamela's back again to measure up for woolley jumpers

8. Glass On The Wall
* Billy catches his mam doing a Nosey Nora, and catches his dad standing on the newly cleaned doorstep

9. To Hell With Alf
* Billy gets excited about the forthcoming school nativity play, and Alf has a rant about religion

10. Coca Dip & Lanry
* In the absence of his spends, Billy enjoys a home-made treat - then Audrey comes along

11. A New Leaf
* Christmas approaches and Audrey looks forward to some shop-window-looking

12. A Firm Hand
* Ducks like the rain so they'll be playing out says Audrey - it's a walk in the park for the family

CD 21 name

LISTEN to a snippet HERE ...

HTCD21 "In Their Own Darned Socks"

1. Out Of Tune
* Alf fixes his bike in the house and hears all about a free posh piano that would look nice in the parlour

2. Upright & Bendy
* An irresistable force (Billy and Audrey) meets an immovable object (Alf in his armchair) ooh er!

3. The Lost Chord
* Alf and Joe finally return with the piano and give the street a bawdy song

4. Awkward Questions
* Some little boys' questions are better answered by dads but by then we've forgotten what the questions were

5. Tiggy Off The Ground
* Jumping on and off window sills is great fun but when dad says come in, come in!

6. The Strains of Tea
* Billy cuts his finger on dad's razor and, if that not enough, he's been fishing with the tea-strainer!

7. Bogeys & Custard
* Audrey is baking so talk of bogeys isn't welcome - it's ok though, it's a bogey that you ride on

8. Nine Into Six Doesn't Go
* It's a treat for Audrey's (don't mention it!) anniversary, and Billy's staying at Grandad's

9. Wet & Windy
* Never mind the weather, it's amazing how many times Billy can mention chips when he wants some

10. Just Horsing About
* Exciting times as Audrey volunteers Alf for the school pantomime

11. Dwarves & Hangovers
* Time for a fitting for Billy's dwarf hat and a postmortem after Alf's drunken night

12. Revolutions
* New Year resolutions? Alf can't think of anything he needs to improve - it's hard being perfect!

CD 22 name

LISTEN to a snippet HERE ...

HTCD22 "In Their Own Wellybobs"

1. Happy Days
* Mithered Alf tells Audrey where to go, and she tells him the wallpaper's upside down and his tea's in the chippy

2. All Ears
* When we listen to people talkng about us, we don't always like what we hear - and Alf gets a talking to

3. Stick-on Soles
* Why take your shoes to the menders - cobblers! - when Alf can do it for nowt? If only he had a penknife!

4. Merrylegs & The Brewcan
* Alf wants some of the rebate from the gasman, but all he gets is Vimto in his brewcan

5. The Great Debate
* Theirs may be an outside lav but at least Audrey can chat to next door while she sits there

6. Spanish Magic
* Billy loses the change from the shop and forgets to wipe the spanish from round his mouth

7. No Hiding Place
* As small as he is, Billy can't quite fit behind the sideboard - and dad wants a word about a broken window

8. Surprise Surprise!
* If a case-ball 'haccidenkly' hits Billy on the toe and 'haccidenkly' breaks a window, is it his fault?

9. Alf's Savings Bank
* The coppers have disappeared from Billy's jam jar and he needs it for a valentines card. Aw dad!

10. Common Cold
* Having a cold is a sharing thing so Audrey has given hers to Alf, and Billy's willy has a post-baths shrivel

11. Puppies & Hippos
* When Billy's pal Kevin gets a puppy guess who else wants one?

12. Slushballs & Earíoles
* Billy's having an ice-ball fight with Michael and Alf extolls the benefits of being cross-eyed

CD 23 name

LISTEN to a snippet HERE ...

HTCD23 "In Their Own Knitted Trunks"

1. A Little Misunderstanding
* There's a little matter of homework, dirty hands and dirty words

2. Sir Billy
* Billy gets a winger from a girl and doesn't hit her back. Mam says well done. Alf says chuck her in the nettles!

3. Balloons & Newt
* Alf gets the blame for a rude balloon and isn't amused at it landing in his dinner. Oh yes, and Billy's got tadpoles

4. A Minor Eruption
* Audrey finds Billy's bugle-blowing irritating - but not as irritating as the boil on her bum!

5. Rubbing It In
* After sacking the window cleaner cos Audrey can do better job, Alf puts Dettol on Billy's cut knee

6. French With Tears
* Billy needs a tin for hopscotch and makes Audrey swear - blame it all on the French

7. Fun In The Tunnel
* As Alf sits darning the darns in his socks, conversation turns to thruth, dare, kiss, command or promise

8. Dressing Up
* Clothes maketh the man but it takes far more than that to get your own way with women. Alf explains

9. Woman's Trouble
* Some women have trouble of a medical kind. Audrey has Alf and Billy

10. A Present For Audrey
* Audrey gets excited when brings a well-wrapped parcel home especially for her. How kind of him!

11. Just An Ordinary Alf
* Alf mends a pan that Audrey burnt, while Billy flirts matches and makes a mess with jam butty.

12. The Length Of A Piece Of String
* Billy can't lose his gloves now that they're tied together - but he has to walk like Quasimodo

Cd 24 name

LISTEN to a snippet HERE ...

HTCD24 "In Their Own Daze"

1. Rude Awakening
* A dozing dad is an irrisistible target for Billy's pellet flirter and he isn't laughing!

2. Conkers & Toast
* Billy learns how to play conkers without conkers but Alf's old brown mac is now short of buttons

3. Something To Look Forward To
* Good Friday? What's good about it?.. thinks Alf when he learns they're going to Blackpool

4. Alf Splashes Out
* It's tea-time and Billy isn't home. Alf finds him near the canal minus one shoe. No worries, dad'll get it!

5. Roughing It A Bit
* When it comes to a choice between woodbines and toilet paper, start tearing the newspaper into squares

6. Swollen Clacker
* The poor little lad has swollen tonsils and is entitled to sypmpathy but not on Alf's armchair

7. Proper Pooly
* Billy is looking forward to a throat cooling icecream, and Alf can't help noticing the pretty nurse

8. Sawdust & Football
* Billy has to mark out the football pitch for the school footie match and mam and dad to watch.

9. Pre-match Entertainment
* The men are off to a real football match and Audrey needs to make sure they're well wrapped up

10. On Another Planet
* Michael's coming round for tea but the sight of Alf scares him off - even though Audrey's cut extra chips

11. Donkeystones & Fishing Nets
* Audrey's on her hands and knees again stoning the step, and Billy wants to go fishing

12. Getting The Point
* Falling off the backyard wall could hurt, but not as much as leaving a needle on Alf's armchair

CD 25 name

LISTEN to a snippet HERE ...

HTCD25 "In Their Own Owzyerfather"

1. Jumping Thru Hoops
* They've planned a trip to the circus but Alf says he doesn't need to go there to see clowns

2. Brewing Up & Teachers
* Billy learns to brew up but Alf prefers his tea made with hot water - fussy bugger!

3. Keeping The Draught Out
* Nailing a blanket up over the backdoor is Alf's solution but Audrey says no thanks

4. Trolleys & Alleys & P.O.W.s
* It's about keeping your trolleys up, and cutting your throat according to your width

5. Not Getting The Fever
* Billy sails his home-made boat in the puddle and there's talk of the pudding club

6. Something Missing
* Alf needs his fags, Billy needs some chalk, and Audrey needs to get her breath back

7. Handcarts & Happles
* Moving the furniture about for a change is okay as long as you can still get through the door

8. Coppers & Coke
* "we fort they was just bombin' it down hanyway cos there was halready a load o' windows smashed in!"

9. Dead Freddie & The Dentists
* Goldfish eat a variety of things, but cornflakes with milk? - yuk!

10. Dimp Picking
* Billy and his pals have been watching the big lads on their tracker bikes and tormenting a poor old tramp

11. Not Far Now
* Chrismas is coming so Alf says 'You buy me nowt, I'll buy you nowt, we both get the same, and it costs nowt!'

12. All Over Nowt
* Audrey has been shop window looking "Ooh, mi 'eadís achin' an mi feet are like puddin's!" She says


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